Wednesday, October 2, 2013

A Spark from a Dream Catcher

I can't even begin to pinpoint where exactly that my mind is at in the current moment. All I can tell you is that something is connecting. Something is twitching these dormant nerves of mine to spark through my soul and travel via keyboard. I've had so much on my mind lately, so much that I just need to release it and let go. If you are reading this then you know how much of a hometown girl I am. Cincinnati is my Queen. I love my city, in fact, so much that I moved out of my city at one point just for the view of the infamous Skyline on the back-deck of the Newport Nest. There was a certain conversation that arose at one of my last nights working at the best chili joints on the West-Side. A co-worker of mine, my brother...I should say.....(we had always ended up working at places together and he essentially became family), looked at me and said, "Breezy, I think you'll come right're way too much of a hometown girl". When Brady and I have arguments he usually says, "I think you just want to go home". It sucks. Being homesick sucks. I'm still not over it....Holidays are hard....birthdays are excruciating....not being able to meet up for a quick lunch with my Mama is disastrous. But I must press on. Hopefully the warmth emulating from the light at the end of the tunnel isn't just my imagination. Something big happened today....a step in the right direction....a fully-charged spark....a possible fulfillment of a dream...and even if it doesn't come true....I took a step. I can literally taste it....and it seems quite delicious...damn delicious I'd say.

        The notebook that I had chose to escort me on this quick journey just so happened to be one of my composition books from the time I attempted community college at Cincinnati State. My journal entry reads... "I lived in Tampa, Florida for five months this past year,and it felt like I was living on a different planet. The Midwest is a friendly. We smile at strangers, we hold open doors at grocery stores, and even bestow hellos' upon others animal companions. Down South things are a bit different. The confederate flag is seen as much as Bengals merchandise, bump stickers such as, "American by birth, Southern by the grace of God" and "We don't give a damn how you do it up North" flood the cabs of pick-up trucks and the usual p.o.s.'s.
          The attitude is that of the past, and that which is unfriendly. In Cincinnati, I am happily greeted at any place of business, down in Tampa, most gas-station attendants could care less if your eyes met. Even though us Cincinnatians have many differences, we still have a very strong sense of community-togetherness. The few months I lived in Florida there was almost an alien presence about these people. Smiles didn't really exist, at least not for free. Nascar and sweet-tea are the main staple down South, while us Northerners enjoy football and chili. I might go on vacation down South...but a place where happiness isn't free isn't for me."

Now....I'm not in Cincinnati anymore....taking a canoe trip in the land of 10,000 lakes. No, not canoeing, driving around in Snowbell....venturing to and fro....going with the motions. Well, I'm ready to go down some raging rapids. I need to make my city proud...make those gems in her crown sparkle. I think Iggy Azalea's song "Work" is my new motivation. I tried to expel her....but I can't. That song gets me hyped. All I can do is dismiss my homesick-depression and catch my dreams..not just chase them. I feel like I never was able to say goodbye the proper way...the time flew by too fast for me to fully realize the extent of my decision. Taking the majestic view of that Skyline for granted. Now I see it in my daydreams...screaming at me to get up off my ass. Well....I hear you loud and clear.